huh. it's been a while since i last posted. hmph.
i guess you all will just have to wait.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Saturday, June 11, 2005
saturday june 11
graduation party at an asian restaurant
came home, went for a hike with uncle julio at eagle pass.
went to another graduation party and met a bunch of my mom's friends from the philipines
another party
another party, this one mostly kids graduating age.
my people have been through a lot in the transition from the philipines to america.
i was very impressed at how active my relatives are in their kid's lives. my parents were not at all. they barely knew my friends and certainly didn't know my friend's families. nor did they throw graduation parties. or the like. i wonder what this means to me.
it got me thinking about what it means to take care of one's selfs when we, in fact, live in a giant village of codependence.
i suddenly feel at a loss for never having a family active in my social life. as i think back, the only time i ever saw my friends and family meet away from my home was at orchestra concerts or plays. and that's it.
taking care of two younger sisters was a terrible responsibility to place on an 8 year old.
"don't open the door for anyone."
seems like i ate all day.
came home, went for a hike with uncle julio at eagle pass.
went to another graduation party and met a bunch of my mom's friends from the philipines
another party
another party, this one mostly kids graduating age.
my people have been through a lot in the transition from the philipines to america.
i was very impressed at how active my relatives are in their kid's lives. my parents were not at all. they barely knew my friends and certainly didn't know my friend's families. nor did they throw graduation parties. or the like. i wonder what this means to me.
it got me thinking about what it means to take care of one's selfs when we, in fact, live in a giant village of codependence.
i suddenly feel at a loss for never having a family active in my social life. as i think back, the only time i ever saw my friends and family meet away from my home was at orchestra concerts or plays. and that's it.
taking care of two younger sisters was a terrible responsibility to place on an 8 year old.
"don't open the door for anyone."
seems like i ate all day.
Friday, June 10, 2005
trip to san jose
friday june 10
training and learning a lot.
i decided to leave my job. done. i realized i hated it on tuesday. complained about that night. had a bad day on wednesday, left early and looked for other work. within a few hours, the temp agency called me with more work. on thursday, i told them. that's it.
i'm applying for a director of marketing and development position at empty space.
trip to san jose
left work at 2:30. it was really slow and i am SO. DONE. WITH. THAT. JOB.
went to barnes and noble and bought a book on grant writing and some magazines for the plane.
talked to jeff beebe at the airport. also talked to beverly.
flew and read the magazines and quickely arrived. it was cool to see the top of mt. raininer and then the golden gate bridge an hour and 15 minutes later.
spent the evening at my uncle's home. it was great to see my grandparents and oh so interesting to observe the way a filipino household works. everyone was a title as opposed to a name. auntie and grandpa, etc.
training and learning a lot.
i decided to leave my job. done. i realized i hated it on tuesday. complained about that night. had a bad day on wednesday, left early and looked for other work. within a few hours, the temp agency called me with more work. on thursday, i told them. that's it.
i'm applying for a director of marketing and development position at empty space.
trip to san jose
left work at 2:30. it was really slow and i am SO. DONE. WITH. THAT. JOB.
went to barnes and noble and bought a book on grant writing and some magazines for the plane.
talked to jeff beebe at the airport. also talked to beverly.
flew and read the magazines and quickely arrived. it was cool to see the top of mt. raininer and then the golden gate bridge an hour and 15 minutes later.
spent the evening at my uncle's home. it was great to see my grandparents and oh so interesting to observe the way a filipino household works. everyone was a title as opposed to a name. auntie and grandpa, etc.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
training
the pacific performance project workshop/summer intensive kicked off last night. and i started my process for teaching training. i love training. and as part of bodywork, i know this is what i want to do. i should add that when i say "training," i am refering to suzuki method of actor physical training. however, steve, robyn, peter and cathy have evolved the method into it's current hybrid/incarnation of "physical approaches to acting." so this month-long workshop is the best next step for me.
going to the theatre and being around actors as i have for the last few weeks has been a wonderful gift to myself. i've become so deeply entrenched in the corporate/job drudgery, i forgot the reasons i was there altogether, which are: 1) to build a small savings for financial stability and 2) to develop skills to help me run a theatre and/or university theatre department. i am on my way to both, but at what expense? my artistic soul? (forgive the nature of that question.) my human soul?
i'm anxious to see where these next few weeks and months take me, but i sense the need to have a larger impact (WITHIN the theatre) rumbling deep inside.
for most of you, this will be a shock, but i have found my way into appreciating competitive sports. as my body is shocked into remembering how difficult it is learning the training forms, i find rediscover my sense of mind/body and a feel a certain kinship with anyone who's ever struggled with making your body do something it has never done before. and this is just for training, which is only preparation for an audience. my alexander teacher always talked about ichiro, tiger woods, and apollo ono as examples of athletes to watch. when they used their bodies efficiently, they were at the top of their games. when they didn't, they were less spectacular. i need to read zen mind/beginner's mind.
here's my favorite, mysterious note from one of my mentors regarding slow tempo:
go deep inside and you will find many treasures there
gm - you move too much. you talk too much. you give too much. you constantly fill your time with activity and never take the time to process and meditate. what emptiness are you trying to fill? take time for yourself and recover.
going to the theatre and being around actors as i have for the last few weeks has been a wonderful gift to myself. i've become so deeply entrenched in the corporate/job drudgery, i forgot the reasons i was there altogether, which are: 1) to build a small savings for financial stability and 2) to develop skills to help me run a theatre and/or university theatre department. i am on my way to both, but at what expense? my artistic soul? (forgive the nature of that question.) my human soul?
i'm anxious to see where these next few weeks and months take me, but i sense the need to have a larger impact (WITHIN the theatre) rumbling deep inside.
for most of you, this will be a shock, but i have found my way into appreciating competitive sports. as my body is shocked into remembering how difficult it is learning the training forms, i find rediscover my sense of mind/body and a feel a certain kinship with anyone who's ever struggled with making your body do something it has never done before. and this is just for training, which is only preparation for an audience. my alexander teacher always talked about ichiro, tiger woods, and apollo ono as examples of athletes to watch. when they used their bodies efficiently, they were at the top of their games. when they didn't, they were less spectacular. i need to read zen mind/beginner's mind.
here's my favorite, mysterious note from one of my mentors regarding slow tempo:
go deep inside and you will find many treasures there
gm - you move too much. you talk too much. you give too much. you constantly fill your time with activity and never take the time to process and meditate. what emptiness are you trying to fill? take time for yourself and recover.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
le sigh
becca and i spent our last bit of time together tonight. there are no more scheduled trips or possible sightings on the horizon. and i'm sad, but i know that i am and she is, it could be and there we are.
we went to the space needle. the guy she's dating called her. of course he did. while we were on top of the space needle. i was reminded of taking a call from mern while becca was in the other room. [insert sigh here]. we went to racha, had some thai food and had another bottle of wine. that's just what we do, i guess.
music for tonight:
ben lee | begin | awake is the new sleep
franz ferdinand | come on home | franz ferdinand
iron and wine | such great heights | garden state
we went to the space needle. the guy she's dating called her. of course he did. while we were on top of the space needle. i was reminded of taking a call from mern while becca was in the other room. [insert sigh here]. we went to racha, had some thai food and had another bottle of wine. that's just what we do, i guess.
music for tonight:
ben lee | begin | awake is the new sleep
franz ferdinand | come on home | franz ferdinand
iron and wine | such great heights | garden state
length
when i post a longer blog, it seems people are less likely to comment. why is that? is it easier to comment on a posting if it is one idea as opposed to many? i've noticed this on others' blogs. what do you all think?
loose change
went to the artist's garage sale in mukilteo with elizabeth. as we drove up, we listened to this american life on the radio. it was a show about being godless in america and i loved it. we heard an excerpt from julia sweeney's one person show, letting go of god. it was brilliant and made me feel a little better about not being christian in america. basically, she actually went to bible study, actually reading the bible as opposed to passively accepting everything her clergy threw at her. the stories and parables are absurd! they make no sense and have nothing to do with the "traditional, family values" the religious right constantly portray as christian. i highly recommend downloading this show.
got to mukilteo and walked around, but i guess we got there too late. it seemed like a garage sale! the array of junk was not impressive. elizabeth and i ended up buying a box of national geographic magazines for images. we walked down to the ferry/pier. wanted to sit and enjoy the sun and view of the sound. the lighthouse didn't really have a place to park it, so we walked up the waterfront and had a good talk about what's going on. started back and realized how hungry i was. stopped at ivar's and we shared a scallops & chips and a cherry coke. for realz, i hadn't had a cherry coke since i was in fourth grade. talked more while shoveling the fried-goodness in our faces only to be tempted by the sweet, sweet sight of soft-serve ice cream. you can guess what we got after the polishing off the fries.
got home and wanted to take a nap, but jester called and we talked for a while. jester is stuck in college station for the summer but will be a free man in august. he was in temple (i should be clear: when i say temple, i mean temple, texas, not temple, hillel) with his family celebrating his sister's wedding. i realized yesterday was the first june wedding day when i was walked to the u-district listening to stevie wonder's "i just called to say i love you:"
No April rain,
No flowers' bloom,
No wedding Saturday
Within the month of June.
But what it is is
Something true
Made up of these three words
That I must say to you.
before i took off, i talked to kelly conway. and the old married man doled out advice on dealing with the ladies. ah, twitty j. good times.
walked to the u-district to see the short play festival or whatever the drama school is calling the ten-minute play festival these days. i didn't completely understand the choice of plays, specifically the second half, but all the work was good. the first play, savage/love, reminded me of le chat noir, one of the plays i did at the first ten minute play festival. it dealt with the all phases of a relationship: meeting, courting, loving, questioning, hating, breaking, etc. i simultaneously love and hate these types of plays. it was so raw, just the text, a chalkboard-paint floor and each others. it felt like a poem put in their bodies dealing with what i believe as the core of humanity: finding a way to interact with each other. the letters and words living in my head for so long were made actions in front of me. i just wanted to take action after seeing the play.
afterwards, brandon, samantha, fran, chance, maythinee, beverly, elena, brian gillespie and i went to big time and shared nachos and beer. i had a great time with them as they felt more like my peeps. 'sfunny how the patp "family" does that. hope i get to see them more this summer.
today is a cleaning day. i need to prepare for my week as i start training. dunno what i'm gonna do about laundry this week, but i'll make do somehow. becca and are supposed to hang out tonight.
got to mukilteo and walked around, but i guess we got there too late. it seemed like a garage sale! the array of junk was not impressive. elizabeth and i ended up buying a box of national geographic magazines for images. we walked down to the ferry/pier. wanted to sit and enjoy the sun and view of the sound. the lighthouse didn't really have a place to park it, so we walked up the waterfront and had a good talk about what's going on. started back and realized how hungry i was. stopped at ivar's and we shared a scallops & chips and a cherry coke. for realz, i hadn't had a cherry coke since i was in fourth grade. talked more while shoveling the fried-goodness in our faces only to be tempted by the sweet, sweet sight of soft-serve ice cream. you can guess what we got after the polishing off the fries.
got home and wanted to take a nap, but jester called and we talked for a while. jester is stuck in college station for the summer but will be a free man in august. he was in temple (i should be clear: when i say temple, i mean temple, texas, not temple, hillel) with his family celebrating his sister's wedding. i realized yesterday was the first june wedding day when i was walked to the u-district listening to stevie wonder's "i just called to say i love you:"
No April rain,
No flowers' bloom,
No wedding Saturday
Within the month of June.
But what it is is
Something true
Made up of these three words
That I must say to you.
before i took off, i talked to kelly conway. and the old married man doled out advice on dealing with the ladies. ah, twitty j. good times.
walked to the u-district to see the short play festival or whatever the drama school is calling the ten-minute play festival these days. i didn't completely understand the choice of plays, specifically the second half, but all the work was good. the first play, savage/love, reminded me of le chat noir, one of the plays i did at the first ten minute play festival. it dealt with the all phases of a relationship: meeting, courting, loving, questioning, hating, breaking, etc. i simultaneously love and hate these types of plays. it was so raw, just the text, a chalkboard-paint floor and each others. it felt like a poem put in their bodies dealing with what i believe as the core of humanity: finding a way to interact with each other. the letters and words living in my head for so long were made actions in front of me. i just wanted to take action after seeing the play.
afterwards, brandon, samantha, fran, chance, maythinee, beverly, elena, brian gillespie and i went to big time and shared nachos and beer. i had a great time with them as they felt more like my peeps. 'sfunny how the patp "family" does that. hope i get to see them more this summer.
today is a cleaning day. i need to prepare for my week as i start training. dunno what i'm gonna do about laundry this week, but i'll make do somehow. becca and are supposed to hang out tonight.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
reefer madness
had lunch with one of my co-workers yesterday. she and i have bonded at the work place, so to speak. i met her soon-to-be fiance last week at the brunch. they are a nice korean couple. and very religious.
took the 72 to the udistrict after work yesterday. well alrighty. went to radioshack to by one AAA battery and ended up leaving with $30 work of rechargable battery paraphenalia. funny thing: radioshack was playing bowling for columbine on all of their tvs. really. so the part where the showed some south park came on and the guy behind the counter said "i love south park." i said, yeah, its good, but this is part of bowling for columbine." "i've never seen it," he says. "you should," is said, "it's a great film." silence. "yeah, we didn't have cable when i was little, so i never watched the early episodes," he admits. STOP. i realized at that point that age of this kid. south started in fall of 1997. i was a senior in college and watched it religiously for a year. this guy couldn't have been older than 19 or 20. and he was manager at radioshack. kids these days.
went to the bookstore and picked up my copy of reefer madness that i put on hold last weekend. walked to whole foods and had a carmelita. damn, but it was gooood. if you've never had a carmelita, you are missing the point of life. i sat outside for an hour and read reefer madness - good book so far. by eric schlosser, the guy who wrote fast food nation. i hated reading fast food nation, but loved the book. investigative/current issue and events books are so much more interesting than ann coulter and her big fat loud mouth self.
had dinner with becs at sunlight cafe. it was akward at first, but got better after finishing a bottle of wine. awe yeah. she had the portabello burger and i had the enchilladas. of course, due to my stomach, i only had two bites and i was full.
afterwards, we went to starbux, had a couple of chai teas, talked and i walked her home. i'm supposed to see her sunday evening.
i got home and talked to jason romero again. we were on the phone for 1.5 hours last night and it was fun. i haven't really used instant messaging since i was at dell the first time (geezus. five years ago). i knew how immersive technology was getting, but i hadn't experienced talking, typing and listening.
woke up and i'm a little dizzy. feels like i'm developing an ear infuktion.
took the 72 to the udistrict after work yesterday. well alrighty. went to radioshack to by one AAA battery and ended up leaving with $30 work of rechargable battery paraphenalia. funny thing: radioshack was playing bowling for columbine on all of their tvs. really. so the part where the showed some south park came on and the guy behind the counter said "i love south park." i said, yeah, its good, but this is part of bowling for columbine." "i've never seen it," he says. "you should," is said, "it's a great film." silence. "yeah, we didn't have cable when i was little, so i never watched the early episodes," he admits. STOP. i realized at that point that age of this kid. south started in fall of 1997. i was a senior in college and watched it religiously for a year. this guy couldn't have been older than 19 or 20. and he was manager at radioshack. kids these days.
went to the bookstore and picked up my copy of reefer madness that i put on hold last weekend. walked to whole foods and had a carmelita. damn, but it was gooood. if you've never had a carmelita, you are missing the point of life. i sat outside for an hour and read reefer madness - good book so far. by eric schlosser, the guy who wrote fast food nation. i hated reading fast food nation, but loved the book. investigative/current issue and events books are so much more interesting than ann coulter and her big fat loud mouth self.
had dinner with becs at sunlight cafe. it was akward at first, but got better after finishing a bottle of wine. awe yeah. she had the portabello burger and i had the enchilladas. of course, due to my stomach, i only had two bites and i was full.
afterwards, we went to starbux, had a couple of chai teas, talked and i walked her home. i'm supposed to see her sunday evening.
i got home and talked to jason romero again. we were on the phone for 1.5 hours last night and it was fun. i haven't really used instant messaging since i was at dell the first time (geezus. five years ago). i knew how immersive technology was getting, but i hadn't experienced talking, typing and listening.
woke up and i'm a little dizzy. feels like i'm developing an ear infuktion.
a week
i had a week:
1) becca is in town
she still make me anxious, giddy, tongue-tied and loopy. fool! i'm a fool!
2) phone bill? over $500
'nuff said
3) i seriously thought i was gonna get fired.
my direct supervisor wouldn't really look at me last week, and only answered my questions with "yes," "no," or "you'll have to ask [insert name here]." fine. nothing too strange about that, right? thursday, i scheduled a meeting with her for friday morning at 10am to talk about my work progress, what i can improve, etc. between 8 and 10 on friday, she met with all the other admins i've been working with and the two people i support right now. behind closed doors! i just *knew* i was gonna get fired/let go. so knots that were in my stomach for reasons number 1 and 2 were multiplied by this. it didn't help that none of these people would look at me after their meetings.
we had a closed door meeting and i was mentally prepared. she told me what i needed to improve on: time management and confidence. hmph. i can do that. this job is truly overwhelming and no one was kidding when the warned me about the year learning curve. and then she told me that everyone i worked with really liked me. hmph. so it was all okay.
i'm struggling because i thought i could read people, but i just can't read this person. which seems to be a more common refrain these days.
1) becca is in town
she still make me anxious, giddy, tongue-tied and loopy. fool! i'm a fool!
2) phone bill? over $500
'nuff said
3) i seriously thought i was gonna get fired.
my direct supervisor wouldn't really look at me last week, and only answered my questions with "yes," "no," or "you'll have to ask [insert name here]." fine. nothing too strange about that, right? thursday, i scheduled a meeting with her for friday morning at 10am to talk about my work progress, what i can improve, etc. between 8 and 10 on friday, she met with all the other admins i've been working with and the two people i support right now. behind closed doors! i just *knew* i was gonna get fired/let go. so knots that were in my stomach for reasons number 1 and 2 were multiplied by this. it didn't help that none of these people would look at me after their meetings.
we had a closed door meeting and i was mentally prepared. she told me what i needed to improve on: time management and confidence. hmph. i can do that. this job is truly overwhelming and no one was kidding when the warned me about the year learning curve. and then she told me that everyone i worked with really liked me. hmph. so it was all okay.
i'm struggling because i thought i could read people, but i just can't read this person. which seems to be a more common refrain these days.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
yikes
okay kids. i have officially joined the cellular club. i got my first bill that nearly gave me a heart attack.
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