wow

wow
dunno know why i haven't posted in so long.
basically, i've been working a temp job. blah.
got sick. blah

been listen to the new ben lee | awake is the new sleep. diggin' ot lots.

eating lots of ice cream. blah.
watching sex and city season 6. fun, but blah.

i'm anxious. i have a job lined up and i start next week.

talking to kelly about work has been enlightening. although i love the theatre, enjoy working towards social justice and challenging people to develop their sensitivies to the human existance (read: compassion), i'm kinda less motivated to be a starving artist for the rest of my life. i know the quality of life i want; how do i reconcile a family with a career as an actor? i look at my friends in the theatre and ask the question (not aloud, of course), "are they happy?" even the artists i know that are constantly working don't seem to have the joy of life i expect.

not that i just wanna be some money grubbing fiend, but come on! i can't work dead end jobs making twelve bux and hour waiting for my big break. that's bullshit. i'd rather make the life i want. if i choose theatre, i need to really choose theatre. but is that the right choice? do i really need that? i mean, what's so bad about community theatre (don't answer that, lemme have that one for a bit).

and excuse the fuck outta me, but i want nice things. not conspicuous consumption, like dear kate likes to say, but more quality over quantity. there is not a goddamn thing wrong with wanting 400 count cotton sheets. or a nice couch. and i will say it: i want a nice car. mind you, my idea of nice car is a vw jetta wagon, desiel (didju expect any less from me?) with a straight vegetable oil converter in the trunk. awe yeah, that's MY THANG BABY, that's MY. THING. i can go camping, road-trippin' and support american farmers, all at the same time!

and you know, i want a garden. and an honest to god yard (no lawn) with trees and maybe even a small orchard. why am i trying to be an actor? i followed a girl into an audition (kel, that's how i tell the story. lemme have that one, too) 13 years ago. THIRTEEN!

i dunno... like kel, i'm having thoughts of more than *that* life. like kel, i'm thinking about directing, although i don't really believe that's my calling. film production has been creeping into my mental periphery as of late, especially with dennis and jeff starting their own films. i mean really: what better way to merge the artist with the geek than to do digital film?

don't take me too seriously, i'm kinda venting the plasma from a week in an office i care nothing about. next week will be better: i will actually learn things and make decisions and have some investment in my job.

monday night, i'm going to the brenneke school (massage therapy) open house to check out the faculty. i'm excited about that. if i stay in theatre and pursue the 'professor of acting and movement' path, the anatomy and physiology will defintely help me. if i choose something else, the supplemental income and deeper sense of self i'll develop will be still be worth it.